Mediocrity

I used to have a poster on my refrigerator which read, “To be mediocre scares the hell out of me.” When I put that poster on my fridge, I thought only that I would enjoy the quirkiness of it.  At the time, I knew nothing about the vibration and energy that words have.  And so, I didn’t consider the impact that seeing those words every day (and sometimes more than once a day) would have on me.

What I remember is how increasingly uncomfortable I felt each time I read those words – how emotionally down I got. And I remember the poster not being there one day and wondering where it had gone.  (In hindsight, I think it got knocked off when my old fridge was replaced with a new one.)  And I remember the relief I felt when it was no longer there as a daily reminder.

What did mediocre mean to me? Doing a complex equivalence [NLP] extrapolation of that word, I know that, for me, it meant being shoddy and unfinished, imperfect, a waste of someone else’s time and energy, and, in my case, fat and ugly.

So what did that mean to me about me? That I was a mediocre singer and writer and presenter; that I was a mediocre teacher; that I was mediocre in everything I did and in who I was then; that I was a mediocre human being.  I look back over my choices and know that I worked damned hard to be the best at everything I did.  Yet, while striving not to be mediocre led me to work hard at what interested me and to excel at a lot of it, it also meant that I was unwilling to try something new for fear that it would be just something else at which I would be mediocre.

When I consider how I’ve held that word, I know that everything’s been about someone else’s opinion of me. I abdicated my right to just be me pursuing what interested me to the degree I chose and in the way I chose.  I, literally, let mySelf go.  I gave mySelf away.

Gotta’ love those BSI® sessions. I didn’t know I was still carrying the energy of all this around inside until it all came out at my last BSI® session with Sheila Winter Wallace.

And what I own now is that what I do and who I AM are not mediocre. I believe the words I always said to my students, “Whatever you do, give it your best effort (meaning, for me, being fully engaged).  That’s all you ever need to do.”  I own now that nothing I have done and nothing that I AM has been or ever can be mediocre.  They are a reflection of my truth and my truth is the only truth that matters.

I used to wonder why I never took that sign down. And now I know that I truly have.

 

 

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About Authentic Vibrations

My life is about learning and personal growth. I was an educator in the public secondary system for over 33 years. I now work with women, individually and in small groups, using words and music, art and language to help them explore their individaul sense of self in ways with are authentically meaningful for each of them. I also facilitate discussions with educators at all stages of their involvement in the teaching profession to help each of us explore the meaning, value and potential of learning and teaching. It is my belief that, in working individually and in collective, we have the power to transform and evolve. In the power of the collectives which we create together is the power to create culture. As a musician, I believe that the arts have the power to change lives. Certification: CODE Model™ Coach WEL-Systems® Institute Affiliate Education: Ed. D (c) (Applied Psychology – Focus on Teaching) University of Toronto M. Ed (Curriculum Development and Design) Queen’s University (1992) B. Ed (Music, English, Elementary Education) University of Toronto (1976) Mus. Bac. (Music Education) University of Toronto (1975) RCM Grade 4 Harmony, Grade 4 History, Grade 9 Voice, Grade 10 Piano Awards: Life Membership, Ontario Secondary School Teacher’s Federation (2009)
This entry was posted in choices, Personal Growth and Self-discovery. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Mediocrity

  1. Pingback: Mediocrity – Engage WEL-Systems

  2. pranabaxom says:

    ” everything’s been about someone else’s opinion of me.” – isn’t that what majority of us end up doing.
    In one of my recent poem ( short link : http://wp.me/p73yZZ-3cy), I wrote about it.

  3. insomnia says:

    You ought to be a part of a contest for one of the highest quality blogs on the net. I am going to recommend this blog!

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